wait...

"i hate waiting..." - Inigo Montoya {The Princess Bride}

i mean really, who doesn't LOVE that movie and know that scene.  where the Man in Black
 *spoiler alert* (aka Wesley) is climbing up the Cliffs of Insanity while Inigo Montoya waits, somewhat impatiently, for him to reach the top.

i can relate.  i'm not a big fan of waiting either.  so it comes as no surprise to me that God has begun the process of pushing me to grow in this area.  i'm a first born, a mother, a solo artist, a business owner.... i want things done when i want them done. i like taking matters into my own hands.  and stressing about them, fretting them into being finished. which is not the right way to go about doing anything.  yes, when given a job, we should do that job, finish that assignment, accomplish that task, reach that goal. we should absolutely use the resources and God-given gifts we have.  however, we should also know when to back off, quit micro-managing, stop attempting to control everything and everyone around us. and wait.

often, my way of doing that is to pray on the go.  in other words, pray WHILE i'm making decisions. or make the decisions, then pray.  the problem with that is i'm still attempting to control the situation, refusing to relinquish the reigns.

this week, i encountered what i believe to be the Holy Spirit's conviction in this area.  His attempt to get my attention.  four times. so far.

first, i interviewed 2 of my friends regarding their artistic contributions to my kickstarter campaign. {you can read about that here...}. during our conversation we discussed how the act of 'letting go'  brings such freedom creatively.  when we pray and seek the Lord for inspiration, He brings us to a place of creative freedom.

second, God spoke directly to me through a message by Craig Groeschel on the subject of control
he asked the question (and had us write it down) "what are you trying to control?"  i decided to reword it as i wrote it down, and instead i asked myself the question, "what are you not trying to control?" and i couldn't think of anything.

third, i watched a devotional on Beth Moores blog that, once again, was just for me.  it was an introduction to a summer Bible study (on Gideon by Priscilla Shirer!) that i'm excited to participate in.  her devo was on the subject of summer and she referenced a handful of scriptures that mention  the season of summer.  the one that completely nailed me was Psalm 32:1-5. David says:

"Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when i kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and i did not cover my iniquity; i said, "i will confess my transgressions to the Lord," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin."

i became acutely aware of the fact that i have been holding on, no... clenching on.... to the little shreds of control i have. which is a trick of the enemy to get me to remain in fear and worry.  which reveals a lack of trust, which is sin.  letting go is what is required. and freedom will follow.

fourth and finally, just this morning, i read Psalm 38:15 which says...

"Lord, i wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God"

simple trust.  and of course i was immediately reminded of the promise that accompanies waiting...

Isaiah 40:31
(say it out loud with me!)

"they that WAIT for the Lord shall
RENEW THEIR STRENGTH
they shall MOUNT UP WITH WINGS LIKE EAGLES
they shall RUN and NOT BE WEARY
they shall WALK and NOT FAINT"

why on Earth would i NOT wait!!! i'm desperate for the LORDS strength. i can do all things through it! yes!! HIS ways are so beyond ours, so much better than we can imagine.  do yourself a favor today and read that whole chapter in Isaiah.  HIS power is worth trusting in.  HE is worthy of our waiting, because HE will do it.... whatever 'it' is for you.  i know i need to confess and repent of my constant grasping for control because it shows a lack of trust in the God that loves me and says HE wants to work all things together according to HIS will and for my good. and he will.

let go...
wait...
freedom...