onward

i have a love hate relationship with new notebooks.  on the one hand, i love finding new notebooks that are beautifully, creatively designed.  i'm addicted to change, ie; always moving furniture, switching artwork on the walls, changing my hair etc... and i admit, it's a struggle for me to choose, and then stick with, one notebook at a time.  but, on the other hand, i have a hard time letting go of my old notebooks.  we are partners for so many months! my secrets are in there!!  God's and my private conversations are in there, my mind on paper.
i've been using a new notebook for a few days now, but i still miss the familiarity of my old one. maybe because i love looking back, taking inventory of what happened, what was, what God did.  But it's imperative that i realize that God is doing something else.  something new. he even goes so far as to say..."FORGET about the former things, do not dwell on the past" (Is. 43:19) What??!! i want to say..."but you did some great stuff!! i want to remember that!!" yes. he did. and i don't think it's wrong for us to revisit victories and wins, we should remember how far we've come, the growth that has taken place. but, we also need to remember that he wants to do MORE. another thing. another thing. yet another thing. which clearly begs the question...what? what, o Lord, do you want, or more accurately, plan to do? which wasteland will i be in when you make a way? what dream that i have dreamed in secret will you cause to become reality? what impossible relationship will you restore? what immovable obstacle will you move out of the way? what locked door will you miraculously open and lead me through? i know i am able...for as Christ lives in me, i can do all things through HIM who gives me the strength! but am i willing?