wrecked

my family and i have recently returned from a 3 week trip to California. i SHOULD have been writing and blogging along the way, documenting the daily recording adventures as they occurred, but i didn't. not that i didn't think about it...i must have said those very words, out loud even, more times than i wish to count..."i should be writing this down...". the only explanation i have to offer is this: it was hard. yep, i admit it. i do a lot of physical work around the ranch, i used to think that was hard. but now i do it daily and it's become a regular part of my routine.  recording, 'working' in a creative environment, an oxymoron in many ways, is something i haven't done in that capacity (daily, with a specific goal/timeframe in mind) for almost 5 years.  that's just wrong!!  anyway, that's my excuse...there was just too much on my plate during those days for me to keep up.
so here i sit, back home, still winter...as evidenced by the fire in the fireplace and the snow on the ground...and i'm able to be still for a minute and think back. Remember.  and i do promise to post all the photos and videos we took...when i say we, i really mean my daughter, the photographer. and i also intend to write a bit about each song, the stories, scriptures, meanings behind each one, but the very first thing that came to mind as i sat down to write this morning was an encounter i had with the Lords Prayer.  this occurred at the very end of our trip, the day before we left i think.  which means it was the last day to accomplish what we needed to, the final few hours of 'creative work'.  (i should interject and say that we still have an enormous amount of work to do in every way, but that segment of the journey was almost complete). which also means that my emotions were running high...stress, excitement to go home, joy in the accomplishment, worry that people will like it, awareness of all the work yet to do, etc...   as i rolled out of bed that morning, with spent energy, feeling like i was running on fumes, i sat on the floor next to the bed and prayed the Lords Prayer. it was the first thing that came to mind. and since i was so tired, i needed to just say something out loud to help wake up my mind. as i began to say it/pray it, my heart and head together awoke!! that living WORD was active and alive and true and real and though i've read it i don't know how many times, it was new.  and God breathed new meaning into it for me, right where i was in that moment.
Our Father in Heaven, Hallowed be your name
{oh Jesus, may this work glorify you, may your name be praised and honored over mine, it is for you and you alone that these songs have been written and i want to sing them as unto you, for you deserve it!}
your kingdom come, your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven
{Father, you know who needs to hear these words, you know what struggles we each face, may your Word go out and your will be done to accomplish your ultimate goal}
give us  today our daily bread
{just as you provided enough manna, Father, help me to trust in your provision for us.  when i can't see tomorrow, when i think we need more, when doubt creeps in...oh God help me to trust in your perfect timing}
forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors
{i'm deep in debt to you, oh Jesus.  i think of the economy we live in and i know about debt, and the struggle to get out of that seemingly endless pit. i owe you SO much. God, my debt to you...my sin...you. have. paid. words cannot do justice to the gratitude in my heart.  you have forgiven all my sins...redeemed my life from the pit. thank you Jesus! may i honor you by extending that same forgiveness to those who have wronged me}
and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one
{how easy it is to listen to the enemy when he lures us into self-pity, doubt, worry.  how easy it is to agree with his accusations.  Jesus!!! we need you!! greater are YOU who resides in my heart than he that is in this world! you, my kinsmen-Redeemer!! deliver me.}
as i was thinking about this encounter, the word that came to mind immediately was 'wrecked'. not wrecked meaning demolished or destroyed, but wrecked meaning broken, brought to my knees, brought face to face with the reality of who God is, and who i am in contrast. wrecked because i wasn't prepared for what he would speak to me through it. i wasn't expecting to be met so precisely, so perfectly where i was.  i just wanted to wake up....and i did, and got wrecked in the process. (that's a good thing)